EMBRACING ACCEPTANCE!

by Charles L. Allen:

One of the important things about marriage is to be accepted. Love is the basis of marriage, but there are many married people who have never felt accepted. Marriage is not a reformatory, and spouses need to reach out to each other without criticism or reservations. To live with a wife or a husband who does not accept you is a dark valley to walk through. from - Victory in the Valleys of Life (Revell)

A very good friend wants me to write about acceptance. How do you get your partner to accept you for who you are and let you be who you are! Another gal within the same time frame gave me a picture of how she feels after 25 years of marriage. It comes from Joyce Meyer's publications. It shows a woman in a jar with the lid on it and she is looking out.

I do aspire to Dr. Phil's statement. . ."that we teach people how to treat us!" Acceptance for me means that I must communicate well who I am and what I need. Through out my practice of 30 years, I have tried to impart that as women, we need to teach that we do want to be a partner. The trick is, that sometimes we don't act equal and expect respect. We assume that you will respect us, and then we defensively detach emotionally when we see that it is not happening. So many women don't feel right or whole being who they are. They aren't anything without their spouse or significant other telling them they are accepted.

This topic can be a real can of worms. I see it as a necessary personal part of being accepted. Examples: I can't go anywhere unless he says I can or he thinks it is important enough to go. i.e. groceries, hair cuts, take kids to school, pick them up.
He doesn't think I should belong to this woman's club, or go to college, or joing an art club. He pouts when I do something great and get attention. He sulks when I want to go camping with my sisters for the weekend to get away and have girl time. He says, you don't need all those things, you have me. So what have most of us done? WE back down, detach, and become seethers on the inside.

I told John from day one what I needed. And, even though I left for days at a time to go to Miss Indiana, did he like it. No. But, he accepted my need to do and be who I am. It has been like that for 40 years. He put aside his need for me to be cloned to his side and the perks of doing that have been; I learned to manage my emotions when he needed to be who he is. Sure, we can get carried away being who we are. God promotes balance and moderation in all things. He demands love and acceptance. He teaches respect and integrity. So, is there any button we can push here for instant answers? Probably not! As women we need to KNOW that we are ACCEPTED by Jesus Christ. Psalm 139. Read that whole chapter if you need convincing.

As for the men in our lives. I still say, communication - Telling someone the truth without hurting them is the communication teaching tool.

"Honey, when you insist that I don't need to do things that I believe are good for me, I feel like you don't know me, trust me, or love me unconditionally. Do you really mean you don't think I need that art class because "what will I do with it after all?"

"Help me understand, what is going on when you need to know every minute where I am?"

I could go on and on about samples of how to teach someone how to treat you.

Pray - seek God and ask Him to give you the emotional strength to talk about how much you need to be accepted for who you are. It may mean sitting down and actually interviewing each other. "What do you mean, I don't know who you are?"

Just some thoughts here - girls. What do you think? Should I write more about it?